This morning worship in the ecumenical centre in Geneva was a bit of a last minute feast. Weeks ago I asked colleagues from the countries we are praying for as part of the ecumenical prayer cycle to lead or read, but many were travelling and not available. Then last week I was on holiday and the person who had been going to coordinate also took leave. Everything was prepared but it was my job to hijack people at the beginning and get them to lead and read different parts of the service. (Thanks goodness we have a very motivated choir who turn up early!) I would not normally recommend this organising-worship-by-the-seat-of-your-pants approach to the liturgy - even if the service was prepared and printed.
However, this morning two quite extraordinary things happened as a result. One was my colleague Rogate Mshana telling us Kagina's story which I've written up on my blog - he didn't know he was going to say anything - nor that he had anything to say - until I asked him to speak two minutes before the service began. (Janet, Rogate is a brilliant person for remembered Bible, we've used the method several times here and he's just a natural.)
The other preaching of the gospel came when a young colleague from the Pacific read the gospel, standing in for another person I had asked last minute. Our colleague read in a beautiful strong voice as the congregation stood to listen to the gospel. We could hear the emotion surging through her and see the tears begin on her face. She breathed deeply, her voiced wavered only a bit, the emotion remained yet she finished the reading and the congregation responded with an even louder singing of the alleluia. That emotion-filled reading of the gospel was its preaching. Tomorrow will be the fourth anniversary of her brilliant, rugby-playing-theologian father's death.
Recently emotion also caught me unawares as I was leading worship, I heard my voice cracking but I continued. I have never broken down in tears while leading worship, although I have often wept in church when I didn't have that role. The Reformed tradition is quite buttoned up when it comes to emotion and I'm not fond of what I think is orchestrated or false emotion either in preaching or in worship. But I wonder what is happening as we overcome or harness grief, joy and other emotions in worship - do actors also sometimes get overcome by the emotion of the texts they are performing or is this a different dynamic - is worship more or less real than theatre? What is real?
At the end of this morning I reflected that it is a challenge to put together worship which only lasts 30 minutes, which others have to lead and which takes place at 8.30 on a Monday morning ... but sometimes despite everything it all comes together and becomes much more than you could ever have prepared for. I was very fortunate to have that experience this morning.
So what are your experiences of worship and emotion?
Jane
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2 comments:
Jane, to be honest, this is something that I struggle with too. God is so good and I sometimes have such physical and emotional reactions, empowerments of the Spirit - shaking, feelings of faintness, tears, even warmth that I sometimes worry a little. You see it feels so good that there is something in me which tells me it must be wrong or indulgent or something. I think we are so programmed to self-check - we are used to the memories of the things which we once served and the buzzes that these gave and that God and when we lose ourselves in his glory in worship can give the most amazing high - just can't be quite understood. But I love God so much for this and I am slowly learning that these emotions are the foretaste of the most amazing fulfilment which we will feel in Heaven.
Thank you for sharing on this one.
Love Rach X
One of the reasons why I like using Remembering the bible is because i can put my whole self into it - physically and emotionally as well as thoughtfully. I've certainly had times in the leading of public worship when I have laughed uncontrolably and a few times when I've cried - but have felt very upheld by people when that happened. My voice often shakes during prayers of intercession particularly if I've been asked to pray about a situation that has moved me - but this can happen during other sorts of prayer and worship too. I remember a young woman who was to sing a solo finding herself tearful and confused during a sergvice and asking me to pray with her. It was not something I was used to doing but I went over to her and we prayed together. Afterwards another minister said 'I couldn'ty have done that'. I didn't know that I could. There were often ocassions in clinical work when tears flowed in consultations with families. I remember one time when we had presented a case for a child's educational needs to be recognised by the local authority and the family were refused (the case later went to appeal and is now part of English case law) but at the time were were all devastated. If this is not also prayer and worship then I don't know what is - the line has always been a very thin one for me. A fornight ago I did some bible studies using RB. The theme was 'If you have a body, what then?'
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